Unconditional Divinity

The idea of absolution is impossible. A definite always or outcome is not known. We are a dismal species. God is unchangeable, definite, and unconditional. If this is true how can man in his entire imperfections be definite or perfect? The only things that are positive are our birth from God and our need for His Son and Spirit. Our creation has been for one purpose.

            Man has tried to find that purpose by manmade objects. Therefore everything is imperfect and our answers are not definite. Our purpose is the belief in God and once we find Him and lay down our trespasses we are to glorify God and enjoy Him forever.[1] Therefore, they are before the throne of God and serve him at night in his temple, and he who sits on the throne will spread his tent over them, never again will they hunger; never again will they thirst. The sun will not beat upon them, nor any scorching heat. For the Lamb at the center of the throne will be their shepherd; he will lead them to springs of living water. And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes.”[2] In this there is hope, a hope of everlasting life with Him in His Kingdom. His unconditional love will lead us there if we choose to believe in Him and serve Him.

            We think we are definite in our breath, but life isn’t a sure thing. God creates life and He destroys it. Today we might live, but tomorrow no one knows. We live in assumption that God will allow us our days so we plan. We plan little things, we plan big things, and we plan a lot of different things. It could be as little as grocery shopping to as big as a festival. But this is what life is. Life is to exist and to exist we have to live. But in these things we just talk about the body. Our souls are definite because of God’s breath of life and his likeness. We have emotions and the knowledge as to what is right or wrong. Our souls have paths they take, but they are not known to us. We think we choose those paths but God does. Since we cannot understand everything, we cannot see the outcome.

            This is way we must pray and believe in our blessed Lord. We need a guide to life. We cannot live in this world that has fallen apart and fallen hard. Our life must be lived through the Spirit. When we follow the Spirit we are called heirs and children of God. Romans 8:1-17 spells it out completely: “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus,

because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death. For what the law was powerless to do in that it was weakened by the sinful nature, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful man to be a sin offering. And so he condemned sin in sinful man, in order that the righteous requirements of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the sinful nature but according to the Spirit.

            “Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires; but those who live accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is Life and peace, the sinful mind is hostile to God. It does not submit to God’s law, nor can it do so. Those controlled by the sinful nature cannot please God.

            “You, however, are controlled not by the sinful nature but by the Spirit, if the Spirit of God lives in you. And if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, he does not belong to Christ. But if Christ is in you, your body is dead because of sin, yet your spirit is alive because of righteousness. And if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit, who lives in you.

             “Therefore, brothers, we have an obligation- but it is not to the sinful nature, to live according to it. For if you live according to the sinful nature, you will die; gut if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds for the body, we will live, because those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.” The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children. Now if we are children, then we are heirs – heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.”[3]

            Life as we know it is not as we perceive. We are blinded by everything in front of us. We are destroyed by our own pride. Our pride is only a small picture of the sinful nature. We must let of all that defines us as human – our pride and self-preservation. As heirs in Christ we must be humble and allow God His right to determine our fate since He created it. In a word, give back to God what is already His. Our devotion and dedication should be His, but we are still controlled and allow ourselves to be controlled by the sinful nature.

            It is in Christ we find salvation. We cannot achieve it on our own. He is our hope and by it we are saved. “We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. Not only so, be we ourselves, who have the first fruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in

this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.

            “In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God’s will.”[4]

The answer is simple: trust in the Spirit of God and He will pour His love into you as His and adopted child. However, “Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.”[5] Instead “Teach us to number our days aright that we may gain a heart of wisdom.”[6]  Remember as well “If you make the Most High your dwelling—even the Lord, who is my refuge—then no harm will befall you, no disaster will come near your tent. For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways; they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.”[7]

            “Therefore don’t lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”[8]

            We hope in what is definite and lasting assurance is God. God is thus because He is unseen and since His Son and Spirit are always present we can discern what is right and do what is right. When we fix our eyes on Him our feet are firmly planted so that we do not stumble, but when we turn away we fall. Those He loves unconditionally He catches. The Spirit does not push us down. Our own pride is an enabler for the enemy. He sees our doubt and uses it against us. He is just waiting for an opening, a void he can fill with the sinful nature. Seeds of doubt and transgression are his tools. If we holdfast in Christ, He will pick us up again.

            It is the hope and faith in God that keeps us alive in Him. The enemy is arrogant. He thinks he holds more power than he does. He likes to feast on our fears and uses them to push us down. It is then that Christ picks us up again. If our hope and faith are in God we can live. The idea of eternity is only true in God. His love is surreal and is unconditional. It heals us and makes us the

heirs of His Kingdom. For this we must pray to God. His love fills us with hope. How can Divinity of God not be real or unconditional?

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 1 The Shorter Catechism with scripture proofs and notes by Roderick Lawson

[2] Holy Bible New International Version, Revelation 7:15-17

[3] The Holy Bible New International Version

[4] The Holy Bible New International Version Romans 8:22-27

[5] The Holy Bible New International Version 1 Corinthians 15:33

[6] The Holy Bible New International Version Psalm 90:12

[7] The Holy Bible New International Version Psalm 91:9-12

[8] The Holy Bible New International Version 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

Fearfully Angered - is it Justified?

   How does one fight for what has been gone for such a long time? How do you move on after losing your closest friend? How does one pick up t he pieces and not feel so alone? What category can you place the betrayal of your own brother? What do you say and do?
   I'm so lost. I'm frightened and I feel as if I'm in a bubble. I'm too afraid to let it pop. I feel safe here; I don't want to go. I'm told I don't push myself to do things. It's true. But I'm scared of what I don't know and what I cannot see. I try not to get to close to anything or anyone. I'm afraid I'll lose it. Every time I have. What am I to do?
   Something inside of me is broken, something that cannot be mended again. I've list something so valuable that can't be replaced. It has been gone for so long that I can't remember when it disappeared. I'm scared it will never be reconciled. I'm scared that I'm to far in disrepair to be mended again.
   I'm scared, nervous,  and filled with such a burning anger and hatred. I'm frightened by my own fire. I'm nervous that it will smolder and then erupt in a massive thunder. I'm angry at being betrayed by my own brother and best friend. I'm filled with such a hatred at what he did.
  Is it right to burn so hot and furiously? So dangerously? I'm burning up and battling so many demons. Are they my own or someone else's remaining torture for me? It's so dark; I'm screaming in such fright. Inside I'm raging war and malice but I remain composed on my cover. How?
    What strength have I left? I'm at the breaking point- ready to be consumed by darkness. Oh, Father, have You rejected my cry, my plea?  Am I truly the bane of another's choice? Must I fight for my right? My own life exists at another's fault. Must I continue to drown in their ruins and choke upon my own inequities? I cannot do this anymore. 
   They wonder at my fear. Oh God! It's more than I can bear! It's a nightmare; I'm scared to sleep. I'm almost to afraid to breathe. It's a tragedy to great a weight.  I know when I'm not wanted. It's cold and dismal. My own father didn't want me when I was conceived.  No wonder I crave a home.
  Since birth I have been refused my right to even be. My father hated my existence. My mother couldn't even look after herself.  My brother betrayed me. And the world wonders why I'm so insecure.  What am I?
    Father,  my King, have you truly been my only friend? I've looked but I have chosen faulty.  How could one foresee a brother's betrayal? Maybe I should have remembered Jacob, Esau, Cain, Abel, Tamar, Absalom  and Amnon. Since the dawn of time there has been betrayal and manipulation.
   You brought me here and it was safe. But someone prodded and angered the tiger. An evil lurked hidden in someone close, one I thought I'd have for forever. I was deceived, violated, and betrayed.  Does love have to hurt this much?
    That's when You gave me Charity- proof that people are here and I'm not alone. I'm tired of being numb. Does the pain ever heal? The gravity of the emptiness almost consumed me, but You sent Your Son. He wiped away my tears, but the fear lingers. How does one let go? God! I am dying to. Will it fade?
  All my doubts and aspirations were lifted. My anger, hatred, and fear still gnaw at me. Is it right? Is it okay to burn with determined and pointed aggregated fury? Is my anger justified? Is my fear even rational? When will my skies clear?  When will the anger subside? When Will I stop being so afraid? When Father? When will You show Your Face? When will this war be won?

Redemption

I waited patiently for the Lord;
He turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the deep pit,
Out of the mud and mire,
He set my feet on a rock
And gave me a firm place to stand.
He put a new song in my mouth,
A hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear
And put their trust in the Lord.
Blessed is the man
Who makes the Lord his rock,
Who does not look to the proud,
Or turn aside to false gods
Is Your servant.
Many, oh Lord my God,
Are the wonders you have done.
The things You planned for us
No one can recount to You;
Were I to speak and tell of them,
They would be too many to declare.
Sacrifice and offering You required
And I gave them.
I said I have come, o my King!
I desire to do Your Will,
Your law is written in my heart.
I long to serve no one but You!

Writing for me

       I've forgotten to write. I thought it was my passion, but no words flowed through my pen. I hardly know what or how to even we write now. I've felt like I've been under water not breathing as of late. I haven't wanted to write. I was angry about too much. I wasn't reading either. I couldn't say the last book I read. I don't dream any more.
       What's the matter with me? What have I lost to get to this point? I'm so empty. No stories were bursting within me to be writ. What has become of me? I forgot why I wrote.
      It's who I am- what I am. No more sorrow, it's so behind me. My anger too. What was lost has found me. I've found my reason for the pen. Its my story of what I make of myself. I don't care anymore.  These are my words~ part of me. A piece the world can't take away. It makes me stronger, wiser, and powerful. 
This is me!

Another Story in the making: Desire for Freedom

     My throat tightened as I felt the blood splatter across my face. I hated this job, but I keep reminding myself that it somehow pays the bills. I was an assassin. How I was recruited I do not wish to relate. The thought that I once enjoyed this job is beyond me.
     I stared at the gun in my hand. It was warm from firing the bullet. Tears streamed down my face as I looked into the cold, dead eyes of the woman I had just murdered. Yes, this was murder. I don't even know who she was or why I was supposed to kill her. They don't tell me anything except  that I have a job to do and where. I know nothing about these people. I'm just a pawn in a bigger war. I hate it.
     The job was finished. After this one I have to quit, but I don't know if they'll let me. I know too much and I'm a danger to everyone I know. I know at least 500 ways to kill someone, be it sword, dagger, guns, or physical. God! I need to get out! But how?
      I turned away from the corpse as I put my gun back into my purse which had fallen to the floor in the struggle. I stayed too long. A minute longer and I'd have someone else to deal with. In 48 hours I could go home, or so I believed.


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      "What? You Want to quit? You're way too valuable an assassin. No, No, NO!" My handler nearly shouted at me. He hated losing his people.
      "But I want out. I"m tired of killing innocent people and being a pawn in this war." I was sick and tired of what he had to say.
      "Emma! Must I remind you that they are NOT innocent and you're not a pawn? You're a warrior and they deserve to die." He was adamant.
      "And how can you decide who dies? How can you justify death? How can you give out life? In my favourite movie someone says something like this: 'Many who have lived deserve death and many who have died deserved life, but can you give it them?' No! You can't! I don't want to take another life as long as I live! Do you think I can sleep at night without seeing their faces? Do you think I can live with myself without this agony? To STILL hear their screams? To lie awake at night and wish so hard i could have chosen a different path? It is painful. I need to get out. I have to go before I go insane! And when I go, don't you dare send someone after me like I went a Jason Bourne. Cause I didn't! I'm begging!"
      "Who's Jason Bourne? my handler had a stupid puzzled look on his face.
      "That's all you got from that?" I shook my head. "Jason Bourne is a fictional assassin in the trilogy called The Bourne Trilogy. He lost his memory after an assignment and his employers sent men after him to kill him because he fails his mission, etc. Except Jason kills the assassins sent after him and disappeared in the end. Now please let me go!" I rushed the plot of the movies I liked. I was determined to be released.
       "No, you're in too deep." My worst fear came to life as he uttered the words I dreaded. Maybe I should go Jason Bourne. "You're in hot water, Emma. If you do go Jason Bourne we will be after you. Don't you remember how we found you? Lost, no family... shall I go on?"
       "NO! I can't believe this! Don't you people care that I have nightmares? Don't you care that I have to see those faces every night? Oh, those faces of every single man, woman, and child I have killed! Just shoot me now if I can't  go!" I shouted hysterically.
        "Here's a prescription for a new drug. Take it every night. Maybe the hallucinations will go away." He didn't care.


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Too be Continued!!!!!!

Raw Outlinings of the deeper mindset

      Today I feel totally unpredictable. My mind has been blown. I pretend everything is all right, though it is not. I pretend not to care, but I do. My heart has been divided. I am rambling, but I do not care. Something has been broken and cannot be mended again. But why? What has been lost? I cannot understand these musings, whilst there is not hope. I'm told to let go, but let go of what, I wonder?
       There is laughter in the crowd and there are so many liars. There is turmoil in the midst. One answer is told but then changes quite suddenly. How come deceit has been allowed to endure? How can man not care, I so wonder?
       Surely there is Hope! Surely there is Love! There must be more to this world than total destruction. Will there ever be Peace? Surely God meant more for man than this? Do we forget what He has done for us?
       One day there will be Peace. It shall be when my King triumphs over all and calls home His children who have suffered. Until then, my brothers, let God be Praised!

What's become of my dreams?

I can't dream anymore.

I can't sleep through the night.

I cannot even breath.

I can't hold these tears back.

I've lost hope.

Baby, I don't believe

That you will come.

I've waited all the day.

I've waited all night.

I've looked far; I've looked near,

But there's no one there.

I am lost,

Baby, please come find me.

I need my true love.

You are far away,

I cannot remember you.

Should we have met once?

What would you say and do?

I can't dream anymore.

I can't sleep through the night.

I cannot even breath.

I can't hold back my tears.