Forgiveness

Finding the words to say has been a terrifying problem. I have lived in doubt and fear. I have lived without forgiveness. I cared but not enough. I loved but not the right kind of love. I have lived in fear of myself and who and what I could be. And now here I am not much has changed in my circumstances. I till doing a dead end job, but at least I have one. I've been trying to learn how to love again. My question was how can I love when I have been done wrong. That wasn't the question. I should have been asking. God loved me enough to die for me. He didn't have to but He did. He forgave me when he didn't have to. Who am I to withhold it from someone else?

These past few weeks I have learned how to speak up when I'm afraid. I have learned how to forgive with Christ's love. I have learned that sometimes it's okay to be exactly where you are in life. My brother emotionally abused me. I forgive him. My biological father refused my existence if I wasn't his. I forgive him. I had a friend who stopped being my friend over some boy. I admit I didn't make the right decisions but I apologized. She still won't talk to me. I forgive her. Why? Because God didn't withhold Himself from me. Why should I withhold it from them?
I'm no longer angry at those who have done me wrong. No, instead I pity them. I don't hate them either. I love them with Christlike love. I don't need to see them again in my life, but at least I can forgive the damage done. I hope they find Christ and find that His love and His mercy is so much more than I can describe. My His love fill them and I hope He continues to teach me.