Stormy Skies

Waiting here so wondering what is next. I am about to leave the world I have always known; the people I love have to say goodbye. I'm terrified and I shake with cold. Why is this so hard? Why don't I want to leave? My family? They already shut me out. My friends? They have already gone. One by one they have decided I'm not worth it. If I don't go I have no place to call my own. If I go I will be on my own with my little family I have started.
I have nothing here. But I have nothing there either. God? Will you forsake me too? I am stranded, standing on the edge. Do I jump into uncertainty or do I step back in defeat? Or am I already defeated?
My heart crushed by bitterness aches to be free. Stupid heart, you broke and now you are just beginning to heal, are you really strong enough for this journey? I sense I light at the end telling me that if I leave I can leave every pain, every scrap, each stabbing wound. But will I truly be free, I wonder!
I'm drowning in pain, rage, and sorrow. My joy is slowly growing, but I'm afraid I will lose it in an instant. As far as I can see on the horizon are swelling, angry black clouds, howling winds, and crashing, rolling thunder. This is the storm in me. It started forever ago. Sometimes it calms, but never fully disapates.  I long for sunny, bright cloudless skies. I long for lush green lands and happiness. Babbling brooks and sweet singing birds are my hopes.
This land I travel has potential, but is it what I need to put all behind me? Father, is this my destiny? Is this my chance to break free from all agonizing pains? Free me from my storm, oh Lord!